Home At Last

I looked at a calendar today and figured out that of the last 46 days, we have been away from home for 31 of them. It was all very good and fun, but we are glad to be home.

We spent just over two weeks in the valley over Christmas. We were busy nearly every day and every night. We got to bed at midnight or later most every night and battled the "I think I'm getting a cold" syndromes the whole time. But we sure enjoyed our stay.

We:

--went to movies with family and friends. We saw Blind Side, Sherlock Holmes, Avatar (in Imax 3D), and one of us saw Zombieland at "the dollar theater" (which is now the $3 theater).

--had dinner with friends

--had lunch with friends

--had coffee with friends

--went to pre-Christmas parties

--went to Costco and Sam's Club ...a number of times (one of which resulted in the purchase of a new futon for our loft. It's been on our list for a long time.)

--went to the Orpheus Men's Chorale Christmas Concert

--hooked up with friends we haven't seen in years:
* Jeff and Alicia (whom I had never met) are friends my husband met in Alaska. He introduced them to each other at Gwin's Lodge a couple of summers ago. They just got engaged on Christmas Eve. It was great meeting and getting to know them. They have honored my husband with asking him to perform their wedding ceremony. (...Now to research getting him licensed so he can actually do so.)

*Nathan and Kate are friends from a band my husband was in about 15 years ago. They moved all over the country but kept in touch every now and then. Now we both know where each other are and we hope to see them more often.

*Old high school friends of my husband's. Facebook is a marvel. It connects people who have been out of touch for years upon years. My brother-in-law got in touch with "the old gang" and we ended up at a New Year's Eve party where they reminisced and told one funny story after another. We had a lot of fun.

*I had lunch with one of my dearest and longest friends, Pam. I met Pam in 2nd Grade. Through grade school we seemed to be in the same class every other year. We drifted apart for a couple years but found each other again in high school. We were in each other's weddings. After years out of contact, several years ago we got together and it was as if we'd never been apart. Except for all the catching up we had to do. We are making a point of not letting so much time go by between getting together.

We also:

--enjoyed spending Christmas Eve with both families

--visited with my Dad and Becky (I did, anyway. My husband finally succumbed to the Battle of the Cold and went to bed right around the time I left for the visit.)

--did our first Christmas Day mountain hike

--visited with my husband's Uncle Duane and Linda in their winter home in Mesa

--hung out a little with my brother's family once they got home from their Christmas back east.

--had more dinners with friends

--I managed only a couple of blog posts during our few and far between down times. Actually, only I experienced much down time at all, during which my other half was out with friends. He was busy upon busy.

--went to three different churches over the three Sundays we were there. I had to laugh at myself when we came away from the last one just a couple days ago. You know about our search for a new church home in our mountain town. Well, driving away from the church we visited with our friends, Nathan and Kate, I said to myself, "I think we've found a church! Oh, wait...it's in the wrong town. We don't live here!" Then I said to myself, "Dang!"

We came home yesterday afternoon to lots of mail, phone messages, two happy cats, and a 37 degree house. A toasty fire was the very first order of business, after loving up on our cats, of course.

I sit now with a darkened sky outside the windows. The house grew dark on me in the last hour, the only light shining from my laptop and the burning embers of my late afternoon fire. Another winter night has settled in. Snow covers the ground outside and it's about 35 degrees out. But inside, we're cozy warm. There's nothing like the feeling of being safe and warm inside your house while it's cold and snowy outside. I'm glad to be home.

Christmas Eve 2009

Just got back from two wonderful family gatherings. First one was this afternoon with my husband's family. Then we went on to my brother's house for my family's gathering. It was really special to be with family.

Yet...I'm sad tonight. This is our first Christmas without Mom. It leaves me feeling lonely for not only her but for the home anchor she was. I feel sort of displaced this year. Like Christmas is just sort of thrown together...in a way. We're down in Phoenix staying at my one brother's house while he and his family are out of state visiting his in-laws. My dad was also unable to come tonight because of multiple health issues going on in his family. I guess I just feel like the anchor is missing. That anchor must have been Mom and her home. I don't know if men get this. In general, MOM is always home to a woman.

I know that the REAL meaning of Christmas is the amazing birth of Jesus which brought God Himself to earth to walk among us for the ultimate purpose of His dying for our sins 33 years later, paying a debt He didn't owe because we carry a debt we cannot pay. The REAL anchor in my life is God. He is my real "home", moreso than my husband, my mom, my family, or any roots I put down here on this earth.

But, call it commercialism, nostalgia, or what-have-you, even as Christians who truly celebrate Christ's birth at Christmas, Christmas DOES mean more to us. Let's face it; Christmas means warm fuzzies. There are all manner of things that bring us the warm fuzzies during the Christmas season: Being with those we love. Family. Togetherness. Traditions. Roots. Beauty. Sentimentality. Nostalgia. Decorations. Special food. Special activities. Special music. Ornaments and little lights on trees. One of the things I love about it is that Christmas is artistic. Ornaments are little sculptures, little pieces of art. Decorations are artistic expressions chock full of beauty to be appreciated.

There is always the need to balance the warm fuzzies of Christmas with the deeper profound truths behind it. I find this year that I am unprepared in my heart for Christmas. I didn't prepare my heart to focus on and drink in the spiritual meaning of this holiday (holy-day). And the warm fuzzies are just all out of whack this year. Living the way we do, without children, we haven't developed any Christmas traditions of our own. Living off the grid in a still unfinished house means we have not done any real decorating for over 10 years. (It's just not the same having a Christmas tree with lights that you have to turn off whenever you leave the room in order to conservatively save your solar energy for more practical purposes.) Since we moved up north, we always came down and stayed at Mom's for Christmas. Her house has always been a home to me. SHE has always been home to me, aside from and in addition to the "home" that my husband and the rest of my family are to me. This year, my "home" in Mom and in her house are not there. I miss her. I miss that piece of home in my heart.

I am so thankful for my husband and my extended family: my brothers and their families, my dad, my husband's family. It's just different this year. There's a hole in our family. Because Mom's gone, there's a hole in my Christmas. And I didn't do the mental, emotional and spiritual work that wisdom says I should have done to prepare for it.

As far as our family celebrations and gatherings go, our "Christmas" is over already. Yet I sit here this Christmas Eve night, recognizing that it's not too late. Christmas is not over. Christmas Day is tomorrow. Though this will be the first Christmas Day we have no plans and the first Christmas Day I've ever spent apart from family, I can still set my focus on savoring the most important things about Christmas. Though too-brief times with family are now, this night, passed, I can savor the deep blessing that my family is. My husband and I can savor belonging to and being "home" to each other. I can choose to focus on the deep blessing of Christ's coming to earth to be with us. I can set my heart to savoring His love and the "home" that He is to me. Talk about an anchor! There is no other as strong, as true, and as perfect.

" 'Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and shall bear a son, and they shall call His name Immanuel,' which translated means 'God with us.' " (Matthew 1:23)

Jesus is Immanuel.

Jesus is GOD, with us.

That always blows me away.